


Your first love is forever (but other firsts happen anew)

by PerplexinglyParadoxialPerson



Series: The making of a (post Age of Ultron) Avengers family [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bottom Steve Rogers, Come Swallowing, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Oral Sex, Podfic Welcome, Praise Kink, Pre-Negotiated Kink, Second First Time, Soft Dom Bucky Barnes, Soft sex, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Subspace, Top Bucky Barnes, Transformative Works Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:27:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26031886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerplexinglyParadoxialPerson/pseuds/PerplexinglyParadoxialPerson
Summary: Steve and Bucky have been a couple again since Bucky came to the tower, but they haven’t done anything more than kiss since then.Things are still complicated, but Steve wants to make Bucky feel good, and making that happen is simple enough...
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: The making of a (post Age of Ultron) Avengers family [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1486748
Comments: 4
Kudos: 94





	Your first love is forever (but other firsts happen anew)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing smut, so please give constructive criticism, and tell me if I missed anything tag wise! 
> 
> Yes I know, this doesn’t seem to have much to do with this series, (Which I haven’t posted anything in since February) but it takes place a bit more in the future of it, and will be connected I promise! I’m planning on writing some more in this series, I just have quite a few projects on the go, so it will be very sporadic!
> 
> This is all thanks to softstevie! She encouraged me to write my smut instead of just imagining it, and looked it over for me, so this is all thanks to her!

Steve woke with a shout, still seeing Bucky overlaid on the dark room, shouting about how much he hated Steve, how it was  _ his fault— _

_ “ _ I’m right here sweetheart,” Bucky’s voice came, while he was being encased in warm arms. “I’m right here, not gonna leave you sweetheart.” 

Bucky was here, giving him those sweet words… still feeling the aftermath of everything Steve did when he left him to Hydra. His eyes prickled, then he burst into sudden tears, his sobs shaking his entire body. Bucky was still hurting, mentally and physically, from his time with Hydra that Steve had  _ caused  _ by leaving him like he had promised not to in his wedding vows. How could Bucky stand him? 

He cried until the tears that soaked Bucky’s shirt ran out, and he choked his way to a stop. He had to make it up to Bucky, had to make Bucky feel good instead of being in pain. 

“Can... can I suck you off?” Steve asked cautiously, feeling awful, even as he said it. 

“You just had an awful nightmare,” Bucky said, gently pulling Steve’s face from his chest and looking at him carefully. “You’re still flushed from crying, and are generally miserable and exhausted. Why on earth would you want to do that?” 

“It’s just,” Steve said, burying his face in Bucky’s chest again. “I want to make you feel good for once, take care of you, even a little bit. I want to make you feel good and relax, to not be in pain for a little bit.” 

“You can do that in other ways,” Bucky said softly. “And I can’t imagine it being good for you so soon after that nightmare, I’m not very sure about how I’d bring you off in return.” 

“I wouldn’t need you to bring me off,” Steve said cautiously. “And...” he had to wrestle with his mind for a while, knowing that Bucky would never let it happen if he didn’t say it, but... it might cause an argument. 

“It would help,” he eventually managed. “With the nightmare.” 

Bucky hummed softly but didn’t say anything. It was a clear attempt to make Steve say something, but it worked anyway. 

“I... it was my fault that you fell, my fault that you got captured by Hydra. I want to be the one to be making you feel good, not making you feel bad.” 

Bucky grabbed Steve’s chin gently, but firmly, looking into his eyes. “I have never, and will never blame you for that, not ever.”

“However,” he said, a little less intense. “I know that me saying it a few times will never convince you it wasn’t your fault, know that from experience. If you truly want to, if you think it would actually make you feel better about it, then I won’t refuse a suckjob, but if you seem to be feeling worse instead of better, if I think that you aren’t using your signals, then I will stop  _ immediately _ , and I will try something else to help you feel better, alright?” 

Steve nodded, feeling a bit more relaxed, knowing that Bucky didn’t think he was a complete freak. 

“But this is not you making it up for whatever you think you did wrong,” Bucky said firmly. “I could never blame you for it, you didn’t do anything wrong, and we  _ will _ talk about it later. If you just want to make me feel good though, I would very much appreciate it. Why a suckjob though honey, you could make me feel good a lot of other ways.” 

Steve sighed and said, “massage wasn’t going to work because I’d have to be on top, probably with your clothes off, and you have enough trouble with me on top while we’re just laying down, ie, it not even being an option. Bathing you or something... probably wouldn’t work, for a lot of the same reasons, feeding you or something...” Steve could feel himself blushing just at the mention of it. “That isn’t your thing, or mine at all, would probably feel really awkward with us switched like that.”

“I wanted to do some kind of sex possibly because I know that it helped my pain when I got off before the serum, and I know that you’ve had trouble with your left shoulder recently, been in pain a lot of the time...” 

He trailed off, and Bucky sighed begrudgingly and said, “I really can’t hide anything from you can I.” 

“Especially with pain,” Steve said, feeling a bit braver now. “Because I went through it myself, know exactly what’s happening when you carry yourself a certain way. And if I give you a suckjob, you can easily control the pace, speed, everything. You have all the leverage and control, and I have none. Don’t even have to take off your clothes if that’ll help.” 

“And what if I hurt you?” Bucky said darkly. “Use that leverage when you don’t want me to, pull or squeeze too hard, make you do something that you don’t want to, keep you from breathing, get caught up in a memory and don’t even realize that I’m doing it? What then?” 

“That’s what the signals are for,” Steve said. “Three taps to stop, two taps to slow down, and one to say that I’m good. That’s why we used them for sex in the first place. We used them when we were kids so I could kind of talk when I had pnemonia, but we only started using them for sex when I wanted to try to blow you, and you wanted to keep me safe.”

“And-” Steve said, forestalling the “but” he could see on Bucky’s lips. “If you don’t respond to those, my mouth is around your dick, I could probably bite it right off if I wanted to.” 

Bucky snorted out a choked laugh. “You’re something else sweetheart,” he said wistfully. “But you have to promise to use your signals if you need them, and if I don’t respond to them, then you  _ have to _ fight me off, knock me out,  _ something _ . Hurting you is the worst thing I can imagine, and if you don’t try to stop it out of some misplaced sense of guilt or something, I will run off and never come back.” 

Steve laughed roughly, buried his face in Bucky’s chest again, and said, “you said that you weren’t anywhere near that kid from Brooklyn anymore, and yet...” 

He laughed again and said, “pretty much that exact thing happened when we got up the courage to start fucking for real. You were fucking me, I was in pain and didn’t mention it, you pulled out with blood on your dick because I tore a bit. You didn’t speak to me for three days, and didn’t touch me for a week and a half. I know very well that not saying when I’ve had enough when I actually have never turns out well for me  _ or _ you.” 

“Promise me,” Bucky said, pulling Steve’s chin up again, staring into his eyes, a desperate light in them. 

“I promise I will tell you if I’ve had enough,” Steve said softly, trying to radiate as much sincerity as he could. “I promise that if you don’t respond to the signals, or anything like that, I will get you off of me, won’t let you do anything you’d regret. I swear on my love for you.” 

Bucky studied him for a minute, then sighed and said, “if you’re still sure babydoll. But I can’t promise that I can give you anything back, get you off in return. It’s not like I’ve done anything with anyone except my own hand.” 

“It won’t be necessary,” Steve said, getting up, flushing a bit. “I’m... not exactly feeling up for it, literally, and if it does happen... well just getting you off will be the most action I’ve gotten in this century except for my own hand, so I’ll be pretty satisfied.” 

“No one?” Bucky asked softly, scooting to the edge of the bed. 

“No,” Steve said, remembering how lost he had felt, how distant everybody else was, both in terms of experiences, and in terms of him generally feeling distant from everything, even himself at that point. The whole thing with SHIELD and Bucky had rocketed him back to earth though, everything way too intense and close, after so long of a fuzzy distance between him and everything else... 

“I’m glad you’re here now,” Bucky said with a sad smile, pulling him down into a gentle kiss, and in turn, pulling him back into the moment. 

“You too,” Steve said, losing himself in the smell of Bucky, the warmth of his lips, tentatively pushing his tongue past his lips so he could taste Bucky... 

“I thought you wanted to suck me off,” Bucky said affectionately, pulling back a bit, but letting his warm breath wash over Steve’s lips. 

“Right,” Steve said, remembering what he wanted to do. He reluctantly pulled away from Bucky, but not before he planted a soft kiss on the tip of Steve’s nose, as Steve sank between his legs. 

“Blushing from just that?” Bucky asked teasingly. “It seems that I’ve really been neglecting you sweetheart.” 

“No,” he managed, feeling his face get even hotter, and burying his face in Bucky’s warm belly. “Not neglecting me just... not used to it anymore. And I don’t know if you remember, but I had circulation issues before the serum, would rarely blush, so it’s not like it was common then.” 

“Maybe so,” Bucky said. “But that’s definitely not the only reason. You ain’t been gettin’ as much love as you need, need me ta’ kiss you till you cry.” 

Steve didn’t know that it was possible to be blushing more than he had been, but his face was getting even hotter, and he nuzzled his way down to the top of Bucky’s sleep pants so Bucky would stop talking. He remembered that filthy mouth very well. 

“Steve,” Bucky said, a little more nervous now, thigh muscles jumping with tension. “I... I can’t always get hard anymore, if you don’t want to do it it’s fine-“ 

“I want to do it,” Steve said, looking up at Bucky, sitting on his feet now. “I didn’t get hard a lot of days before the serum, yet you wanted to make me feel good all the time, even if I never came. I want to make you feel good, nothing more, and if you don’t get hard, or don’t come at all, I don’t care.” 

“Stubborn as ever,” Bucky laughed roughly, pushing the words aside. It didn’t matter if he was fronting though, Steve knew that sometimes it was just easier to do that sometimes, pretend to not be affected by something like that. 

“Now sweetheart,” Bucky said, putting on a bit of his old Brooklyn drawl and cupping Steve’s face. “Why don’t you get to doin’ what you’re supposed to be doin’, and suck me off.” 

He shoved down his pants a bit, just enough so Steve could see the definition of the arrow of muscle pointing towards his cock, the start of the soft tangle of dark hair between his legs. Then he put both of his hands in Steve’s hair and said, “it’s your turn now sweetheart, don’t make me do all the work for you.” 

Steve blushed again, when it had just started to go down, realizing that he had just been staring a bit, staying in place. Bucky had always had muscle, but it had never been as defined as this, and it had mesmerized him. 

He started by just nuzzling the soft skin and wiry hair above the waistband of the pants, slowly relaxing into it. Bucky let out a soft sigh, his hands soft in Steve’s hair, as Steve began to nose at the waistband, his hands lightly holding Bucky’s calves. 

He could smell Bucky so much better down here, he smelled stronger, muskier, more... Bucky, than anywhere else. His shoulders started relaxing more as he breathed in enormous breaths of pure  _ Bucky _ . 

It was something he had missed so much, and he stayed there for a while, just smelling and  _ feeling _ , relishing in the feeling of the scratchy hairs, the warm, soft skin, the gentle hands in his hair, rubbing gentle circles into his scalp. 

“You don’t want to go lower?” Bucky said softly, filtering through the haze building in Steve’s head. He remembered that, while this was good, it was so much  _ better _ with Bucky’s cock in his mouth. 

He pushed the waistband down farther, and saw the soft swell of Bucky’s cock for the first time since before the train. It was soft, but twitched just slightly as he gazed at it, looking exactly like it had before, uncut and gorgeous, big and thick, and the sweet swell of his balls behind it was glorious. 

Steve tucked his face between his cock and balls and took a deep breath of Bucky’s scent, strong and good and straight from the source. Bucky’s cock was resting heavily on his cheek as he started nuzzling at the base of it. 

“So sweet for me,” Bucky said with a sigh, absently stroking his hands through Steve’s hair. 

Then Steve managed to pull himself away from that spot, and gently kissed the tip of Bucky’s cock. Bucky hummed softly, and guided him a little closer. He began to lick delicately at the tip, making Bucky shudder, and mouthed a little bit at the foreskin covering the head proper. 

He was almost glad that Bucky was soft now, the serum had made his gag reflex more prominent than it had been, and he had relearned to not gag during the war, but he hadn’t had reason to practice again until now. Bucky was a perfect mouthful when soft, but when he was hard, it was a bit... harder, literally. If Bucky was going to get hard, like he suspected, with how his cock was twitching a little more now, then he wanted to be able to take the whole thing in his mouth. 

He kept his hands on Bucky’s calves, just in case, so he couldn’t suck Bucky off properly, but it was nice in a way, it was so much more likely that he wouldn’t hurt or scare Bucky that way. 

He slowly opened his lips around Bucky, like he was French kissing his dick, and though it was a bit more awkward because Bucky was soft, it was  _ so  _ nice. Bucky tasted clean but strong, that heavy scent and taste on his tongue like a drug. Bucky groaned softly as Steve slid his mouth fully over the head, lips soft on Bucky’s skin, feeling his mouth water. He pulled back, dragging his lips down Bucky the whole time, making Bucky gasp. 

When he pulled off, he felt a small string of spit trailing from his lips to the tip of Bucky’s cock, and licked it up, tasting a small hint of Bucky’s precome, and licking his lips, making sure to look up at Bucky as he did so. 

“God sweetheart,” Bucky said, staring at him in awe, and tracing his lips with his flesh hand. “Doin’ so good, makin’ me feel so good.” 

Steve felt a flash of pride in his chest, and went back to mouthing at Bucky’s dick. The foreskin had retracted a bit, exposing the slit, his cock a little harder and bigger than it had been, and Steve wanted more. He licked a little rougher at the slit, trying to coax more than the tiny taste of precome he had gotten, but he decided that the best way to do that was to make Bucky feel even better. 

He mouthed over the head again, then properly put Bucky in his mouth, so his lips were halfway down the shaft. Bucky tugged on his hair lightly and gasped out a breath. 

He wanted to take this slow, this was their first time together since the train after all, but he wanted Bucky to feel good, wanted to fill his mouth with Bucky, and drown in the scent and taste of him, and it wasn’t happening fast enough. 

He began to stroke at the head in his mouth with his tongue as he slid up and down the shaft a bit, getting Bucky wetter, and making him sigh out a groan. As he sank closer to the base, he began to tease at the vein at the bottom that was being exposed as his foreskin slowly retracted, rubbing back and forth with his tongue, glorying in the twitching and swelling of Bucky’s cock in his mouth. 

After what felt like much too short a time, his lips hit the base of Bucky’s cock, feeling the hair there scratch against his lips and nose when he pressed them against Bucky’s groin. Bucky’s cock filled up his mouth so  _ perfectly _ , the head just on the edge of being uncomfortably close to his throat, heavy in his mouth, his jaw aching just slightly from not being used to it. 

And Bucky was only going to get bigger. 

He remembered perfectly the feeling of Bucky’s cock going down his throat, blocking it, choking on Bucky’s cock until Bucky decided that he was done... his own cock ached, not fully hard, but on its way, but that wasn’t important at all. 

What mattered was Bucky’s dick in his mouth, the taste of it, the feel of the soft skin against his palate, the fullness of his mouth. His neck was starting to ache, craned awkwardly over the waistband of Bucky’s pants, but even that felt good now, safe and warm between Bucky’s strong thighs, Bucky’s knees keeping his shoulders still so he wouldn’t trigger him. 

His head felt heavy with warmth, fuzz filling up his brain, his limbs oddly numb. Then Bucky’s cock twitched and swelled more in his mouth, and he realized that he had stopped moving his tongue, stopped moving at all. He needed to make Bucky feel good, make him ramble out dirty talk, make him moan like crazy like he used to. That was what he was supposed to be doing. 

He began to move his tongue again, rubbing gently against the bottom, trying to curl his tongue up to the top of it. Bucky let out a long groan, and tugged his hair, harder and sharper than before, making a surge of heat travel down his spine. He pulled back a little as Bucky’s swelling cock almost made him gag, but kept up with his tongue. 

He slowly pushed down Bucky’s dick again, opening his throat, swallowing convulsively as he got closer to the base. He gagged a bit when he got his lips to the base, but he stayed there for a few more seconds this time, feeling a rush of satisfaction as he pulled off of Bucky’s cock. 

Bucky gently grabbed his face and traced his tingling, swollen lips, sending another rush of heat down his spine, and making him wriggle his hips involuntarily. 

“Look at you,” Bucky said hoarsely. “So good for me, making me feel so good. So good at this for me.” 

“Only for you,” Steve whispered, head swimming with the praise. “Only ever for you, Buck. Love you.” 

“Love you too doll,” Bucky said softly, putting one of his flesh fingers inside Steve’s mouth, tracing the inside. He licked at them, tasting Bucky again, and sucked at them gently. Bucky sighed and said, “you’re being so good for me now. So sweet for me, following all my directions, not even attempting to move. You’re doing whatever I want aren’t you Stevie?” 

Steve moaned at the surge of heat those words sent through him. He couldn’t feel most of his body, his legs and arms were tingly and distant, completely insignificant in making Bucky feel good. His neck loosened involuntarily, making him sink back into the fragrant heat between Bucky’s legs. 

He mouthed at the tip Bucky’s completely hard cock again, the soft buzz of Bucky’s praises like sinking into a tub of warm water. He tasted even better now, the slow drip of precome on his tongue like water in the middle of a desert, so strong and good, salty and slightly bitter, but it was  _ Bucky,  _ so it was incredible. 

Bucky gently guided his cock into Steve’s mouth when he had enough, warm and good, filling up his mouth even better now. He was making Bucky feel good, feel happy, was keeping Bucky’s dick safe and warm in his mouth. All he could focus on was the cock in his mouth, throbbing a little with Bucky’s pulse, and he began to slowly rub his tongue on the underside of it. 

The grip on his hair was getting tighter, making him moan around Bucky’s cock, sending surges of heat through him. He slid further down Bucky’s cock until it got close to the back of his throat, making him gag a bit. 

He wanted to do it though, prove to Bucky that he was still good at it, make Bucky proud of him, hear more of that sweet praise from Bucky’s lips. 

He went down further each time, breathing through his nose, gagging a little less each time. 

He felt dizzy with heat and need. His hair was being tugged so good, sending a bright pain through his body, the ache in his jaw deep and good, proof of how much of an effort he was putting in, how good he was being. 

“So good,” Bucky panted roughly. “Doing such a good job at sucking me off.” 

Then he shifted his hands and began to  _ move.  _

Steve choked on a gasp, feeling the head of Bucky’s cock bumping against his palate on the way down to his throat, slipping past his wet lips with ease. He thrust slow and steady, but it was  _ so much,  _ so much more than anything he had gotten for so long, making his head dissolve into static with every thrust. 

“God sweetheart,” Bucky panted. “Your  _ mouth.  _ Should be made  _ illegal _ .” 

Then he  _ stopped,  _ leaving his cock resting on Steve’s tongue, the taste of precome like a tease of everything he couldn’t have. He whined, and tried to get more in his mouth, but Bucky’s hand was firm in his hair, not letting him get even a centimetre more of his dick in his mouth. He whined more, frantic now,  _ needing  _ Bucky in his mouth, in his throat. He fought it, trying to wriggle out of Bucky’s grasp, sticking out his tongue so he could get just a little more—

“No,” Bucky said with a small tug to his hair, making Steve freeze. Did Bucky not want him to suck him off anymore? He whined involuntarily. 

“You’re doing so good doll, making me feel so good, following directions so well. But I want to get off sometime in the next week, so you have to  _ suck _ sweetheart. This is a suckjob after all.” 

Steve whined again, and as Bucky slowly slid his cock properly into his mouth again, he began to suck frantically at him. He hadn’t wanted it to end, but if Bucky wanted this, if it made him happy, he would do it. 

He hollowed his cheeks as much as he could, rubbing his tongue and the insides of his cheeks on Bucky’s cock, determined to give Bucky the pleasure he wanted. 

“So good for me,” Bucky hissed, his cock pulsing in Steve’s mouth as he rocked it back and forth faster than before. The faster Bucky went, the harder he pulled Steve’s hair, curling over Steve’s head, making him choke harder, the small pricks of pain sending jolts of electricity and heat scorching down his spine. 

Then Bucky froze, thighs pressing Steve’s shoulders together, and came with a shout. He felt Bucky’s bitter come filling his mouth, and swallowed frantically, trying to get it all down, but some of it spilled out the corners of his mouth as Bucky just  _ kept coming.  _ His head spun with the knowledge that this was all him, that  _ he  _ had caused Bucky to come like this when he hadn’t even been expecting to get hard.  _ He _ had made Bucky yell out, come so hard. 

“So good,” Bucky gasped as he rutted his cock in Steve’s mouth through the last pulses of come. “Such a good boy. You did so good for me sweetheart, made me come so hard.” 

He had done good, had made Bucky feel good and happy. His body was melting in the heat of those words, brain disappearing into the fog, everything dissolving into the black as his head dropped onto Bucky’s warm thigh.

+-+

He woke up a while later, feeling distant and dizzy, almost like he was drunk. He was laying on something soft, with a warm, nice smelling weight pressing him into the softness. 

He hummed quietly, letting Bucky—because it had to be Bucky—know that he was awake. 

“You aware now sweetheart?” He asked, a soft hand carding through his hair. 

Steve tapped once on Bucky’s thigh, to signal that yes, he was aware; though barely. 

“Did you like it doll?” Bucky asked softly. “I didn’t go too far?” 

Steve tapped once, harder this time, wanting to make sure that Bucky knew that he loved it. He didn’t want to talk, the ache in his throat, and the soft mush in his head dissuading him, but he never wanted to make Bucky believe that he had done wrong. 

He buried his face in the warmth of Bucky’s soft hair and sighed deliberately, shifting a bit to get even more of Bucky covering him, and starting to doze off a bit. 

“If that’s what you want,” Bucky said softly, words blurring in the mush of his tired brain. “Go to sleep sweetheart, I love you.”


End file.
